It's already June

It's so cool that I'm finally turning 21 this year. There's no turning back after that. I won't be able to blame my parents for my dumb mistakes, or let them pick up the pieces for me.

It's the age where I finally get rid of the wretched feeling of not having an allowance. Sure, some of my friends still have pocket money even when they've been past 21 for a few years, but I haven't had an allowance since 2009 and I've always felt a little resentful about that.

The feeling that sometimes settles itself in my mind and sinks my heart: unfairness.

"Why do some people seem to have it all? And why do I have nothing?"

It's such a negative train of thought that chugs into a melancholy sort of mood, usually lasting me a few hours.

But I know ultimately I have myself to blame. There are a number of things that would've been different if I'd studied harder, or cared more about. My parents certainly have some blame for those tumultuous five, six, seven - who's really counting? - years, but that's on them. They are their own mistakes. They alone carry the burden of their folly. I shall only carry what's mine.

Thank god for my friends. If it weren't for all of their shoulders that I wept on, I would be some manic-depressive hermit now. And this is why when we argue, I make sure that we resolve the issue. Even if it took months that one time because I didn't make the first move.

Thank god for music, too. It helped me through my formative years and make my days a little brighter. This is why I will never forget the pop-punk/punk-rock/alternative-emo bands I listened to in my early teens. They were the soundtrack of my angst-filled youth (what a cliché) and to abandon them would be to abandon my past self.

Of course it's advisable to let go of the past and move forward, but I always feel better after listening to sad songs. Now I'm reminded of a conversation I had with a friend once, where she said sad songs make her, well, sad. I told her that I felt the opposite, because sad songs make me feel like I'm not alone, that there's someone out there who feels (or once felt) the same as I do.

I mean, things can't be that bad if someone else in the world shares the same feeling as you.

Anyway, I digress. This post was originally about turning 21. But I guess it wouldn't be very Cheryl-esque of me if I didn't get sidetracked.

So, 21 years of converting carbon dioxide into oxygen. (You go, girl.)
I'm pursuing my studies instead of bumming around, waiting for opportunities to smack me in the face.
I'm discovering a new level of friendship with my closest and dearest friends, what with all the arguments and how we resolve conflict.
I'm making new friends and getting along famously with them.
I'm learning to manage my wealth (or lack thereof) better. That just means my shortfall at the end of each month is gradually decreasing. Still, yay!

It's gonna be a good year. I don't know about 2014, but for now I'll just enjoy the ride.