PMS? Probably.

My mood was quite upbeat today despite my workload because I had a few hours of class to look forward to.

School for me isn't the drag it always used to be. Gone are the days of sleeping in class or silently counting down the minutes till I can go home. This time class has become so much fun that I would actually decline friends' invitations for outings in favor of going to school.

Now before I get accused of preferring my new friends and ditching the old ones, I would rather go to class because I have paid for it and the friends are a great bonus. So nowadays I only skip class for valid reasons and not: "Hmm it's raining...would be nice to sleep. Okay I'll skip class and go home instead."

Sometimes I did miss classes in the past for valid (albeit stupid) reasons: I took wrong buses (yes, plural) or missed my stop by a whole lot or whatever. But I never felt bad about it and was quite nonchalant about the whole affair.

Now it's so different. I was torn between going to class this Thursday and for my friend Rachel's meet-up but have since decided to attend the latter. I haven't seen her for a year!

Anyway, my point is that going to school always cheers me up these days. After work today, somebody texted me and the whole situation was so dire and I felt completely maligned. It was a shitty feeling.

It's amazing how this person can make me feel so utterly hateful and inferior and dumb a lot of the time but when she's in a good mood and being nice to me, I can wholly forget about how I felt. We have so much history together but sometimes when she threatens to end it I feel like it's a waste. Years of friendship should be enough to be the glue of the years to come, shouldn't they?

Sometimes I wonder if it's worth all the bad feelings. Does the good outweigh the bad? Because the bad really engulfs me in waves of sadness. It makes me think, "What is the point?"

I get that it's my mistakes that usually spark the arguments. But if you weren't such a shitty communicator, I wouldn't make as many mistakes as I did. You were at your last nerve, but so was I at mine.

Thank god I had school today. The lady facing me on the bus got quite uncomfortable having to watch me wipe away tears and decided to just blatantly stare after some awkward eye-shifting. In hindsight, that was kind of funny.

Luckily my dear classmate arrived in school just as I finished my breakdown and my mood cheered considerably. These are times when I wonder if I am bipolar.

I spent the entire lesson eating. Shared food is my safe haven. I say shared because when I'm depressed and alone, I can't eat a thing. But in front of others, when they offer me food, I feel the kindness and warmth being offered. Even if they didn't mean anything by the gesture, it means the world to me. In my opinion, sharing is caring. It really is.