I don't know what to say that will make you happy. It's like you guys always want so much from me and I'm a bad friend if I don't automatically put in the effort without being told.

Fine, I'll admit it. I'm a bad friend, and a horrible human being.

That doesn't excuse me from my behavior.

I just need you to know that it takes both sides to create friction. It's not always just my fault. I just don't want us to be fighting over each other's tone and intended meanings so I apologize on my part. Then it just seems like you take my apologies and chalk it up to yet another Cheryl screw-up for your scorecard.

I know it's just me feeling like a sub-par person that's making me think this way. You're just doing what a friend does by telling me my shortcomings and helping me to be a better person.

But I have a lot of shortcomings. So much that it seems like every day I'm fighting my inner demons and the external ones that say stupid things and make ill-judged assumptions. It's getting too much for me to take. Hence some days I need a reprieve from you because you get mean at times and my ego is much too bruised by myself to handle criticism from you. Even if it's deserved.

No one can make me feel inferior unless I let them. But sometimes I let the whole world because self-pity is a guilty pleasure.