Procrastinating before my assignment because I feel too much

Sometimes I think I'm pretty chill, other times - such as today - I tend to overdramatize.

There shouldn't be any difference between these two people, but there is. One is an entitled douche, the other is a beloved - albeit bossy - cousin. I willingly put my pride aside when it comes to the latter but with the douche, I feel like my pride has been forcefully taken from me.

I have yet to experience romantic heartbreak, but I can't imagine anything feeling worse than having my pride and dignity stripped from me. Beggars are human too.

Not that I'm trying to belittle people who beg for a living by comparing my family to them, but in a way we are all beggars trying to stay alive in this world.

I do believe that nobody can make me feel inferior unless I let them. But I'm not strong all the time. It's hard to stay upbeat when it's an internal struggle just to feel sad. I feel guilty when I'm wallowing in self-pity because there are people with no drinking water out there and here I am, wailing about my pride. Sure, everybody's self-centered, but sometimes I wonder if I'm too much of a narcissist like my two best friends always say I am. (And yes, I am being a little sarcastic here because I am still hurt that they say that to my face. I could defend myself but that's being narcissistic too.)

What does the universe want from me? I just want to be able to go to concerts and eat nice food and have good company but money gets in the way of everything. So does pride. Damned things.