It's already June

It's so cool that I'm finally turning 21 this year. There's no turning back after that. I won't be able to blame my parents for my dumb mistakes, or let them pick up the pieces for me.

It's the age where I finally get rid of the wretched feeling of not having an allowance. Sure, some of my friends still have pocket money even when they've been past 21 for a few years, but I haven't had an allowance since 2009 and I've always felt a little resentful about that.

The feeling that sometimes settles itself in my mind and sinks my heart: unfairness.

"Why do some people seem to have it all? And why do I have nothing?"

It's such a negative train of thought that chugs into a melancholy sort of mood, usually lasting me a few hours.

But I know ultimately I have myself to blame. There are a number of things that would've been different if I'd studied harder, or cared more about. My parents certainly have some blame for those tumultuous five, six, seven - who's really counting? - years, but that's on them. They are their own mistakes. They alone carry the burden of their folly. I shall only carry what's mine.

Thank god for my friends. If it weren't for all of their shoulders that I wept on, I would be some manic-depressive hermit now. And this is why when we argue, I make sure that we resolve the issue. Even if it took months that one time because I didn't make the first move.

Thank god for music, too. It helped me through my formative years and make my days a little brighter. This is why I will never forget the pop-punk/punk-rock/alternative-emo bands I listened to in my early teens. They were the soundtrack of my angst-filled youth (what a cliché) and to abandon them would be to abandon my past self.

Of course it's advisable to let go of the past and move forward, but I always feel better after listening to sad songs. Now I'm reminded of a conversation I had with a friend once, where she said sad songs make her, well, sad. I told her that I felt the opposite, because sad songs make me feel like I'm not alone, that there's someone out there who feels (or once felt) the same as I do.

I mean, things can't be that bad if someone else in the world shares the same feeling as you.

Anyway, I digress. This post was originally about turning 21. But I guess it wouldn't be very Cheryl-esque of me if I didn't get sidetracked.

So, 21 years of converting carbon dioxide into oxygen. (You go, girl.)
I'm pursuing my studies instead of bumming around, waiting for opportunities to smack me in the face.
I'm discovering a new level of friendship with my closest and dearest friends, what with all the arguments and how we resolve conflict.
I'm making new friends and getting along famously with them.
I'm learning to manage my wealth (or lack thereof) better. That just means my shortfall at the end of each month is gradually decreasing. Still, yay!

It's gonna be a good year. I don't know about 2014, but for now I'll just enjoy the ride.

Relient K - Over It

The standard for fractured hearts.

I'll admit to who I am
The day I come to understand
I haven't got a clue
Been searching for a few years now

If I don't repeat myself
Then I'll change into someone else
Well, I don't quite know who
Been searching for a few years now

I'm over it
Yeah behind me now
I'm just over it
Over it
Yeah I'm finding out
I'm just over it
No, I don't know what's over just yet
But I won't go slow
And time can let the mind forget
Don't tell me you don't know
Already

I'll protect your universe
Or make a mess to make it worse
Only time will tell
You and no one else so

You say you made up your mind
And you've finally decided
But those that helped you choose
Haven't the slightest clue as to the magnitude of what you're about to lose

I'm guarded and therefore I can endure
A little bit more, just a little bit more
Than some people would
If I'm not misunderstood
It's still an attempt to be egoless while self-assured
If I'm still unsure then I'm pretty sure
That I am pretty good
God, you know I'm good

And I'm over it
Don't tell me you don't know
Already
Don't tell me you let go
Already

I told that hipster joke in multiple WhatsApp group chats yesterday, and the responses were less than satisfactory. Then I met my dearest friend Sophia for dinner and she told me she did laugh.

For a moment I lit up and felt the overwhelming urge to hug her.

But she continued, "I was laughing at how you said 'Geddit??'"

My face had fallen. To the pits of the earth. Well, excuse me for being eager to share something so apparently hilarious that everybody forgot to laugh. [Insert grumpy emoticon here]

On a happier note though, she acknowledged the genius of the hipster-buying-soundtrack joke.
Thank you for agreeing.

Sense of humor

How much does a hipster weigh?
An instagram.

Crap, I'm the only one who thinks this is hilarious.

Oh god it still cracks me up and it's like the twelfth time I've read it today.

How do you drown a hipster?
In the mainstream.

I have no clue why, but hipster jokes make me laugh like a hyena on drugs.

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it...
The hipster will buy the soundtrack.

I remember the first time I read the soundtrack one; think I laughed about it for days on end.

What do you call a potato high on weed?
A baked potato.
 
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's off day.

IT'S TRUE

Anberlin is definitely coming again; they tweeted about it.

I'm a little sad that I didn't know them back in 2002 or 2007 because a) Baybeats was free and b) the tickets for their 2007 show was only $60. With the current rates of concerts, it's gonna be at least $80 since it's a three-band show.

Now my dilemma is which album of theirs to buy for them to sign, in the event that I do get to meet them. Oh shit that reminds me: I should get RJA's new album too shouldn't I? Or maybe not. I could just let them sign my deluxe edition of Don't You Fake It.

Should I buy Cities or Vital for Anberlin to autograph? DAMMIT.

I predict the rest of my blog posts from now till August will be filled with constant babbling about concerts, Anberlin, RJA, and money (or lack thereof).

MAJOR NEWS

If what Live! Empire is saying is true - that Anberlin and The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus are coming for a show in August 2013 - I will f*cking break down in tears of elation.

Anberlin. The geniuses who did Cities and recently, Vital. Oh my god I may get to hear "Breathe" live.

The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. Well, their new album isn't all that great but I still love them for trying anyway. It's hard not to when they've been there for me throughout my angst-filled teenage years.

Please, please, please let the tickets be cheap because if they're too expensive, it just emphasizes how this industry/world is about money and that love of music is never enough. Please let the band be kind souls who come out after the show to greet their eager fans and sign autographs and give hugs all around.

All a girl wants is an infinite supply of music and concerts.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

I'm feeling out of bounds, out of bounds
I'm running out of time, out of time
I know there's no such thing as either of them
But it doesn't make me feel any better.