Playgrounds & The Sea

I guess I really like hanging out at playgrounds. Especially if there's no need to rush for the last train or bus and when parents aren't waiting at home in fury.

There's just this feeling of exhilaration - or even liberation if you will - that comes with being near the sea late at night. The sight of that vast ocean (albeit barely visible), accompanied by kids yelping in pure joy - it just makes me feel all fluttery inside.

They say Cancerians love water. I have never really agreed with it because I can't swim and it seems like I might never learn, but over the years I've realized that I always feel happy around bodies of water. Of course, it depends on the company as well. It's such a blessing that those who accompanied me in these memories are the ones who make me happy.

The last time I was at an old-school playground was at Raffles place. So it felt a little restricting because there were plenty of office clothing-clad adults milling about. You could tell that they wanted to join in but couldn't because their clothes weren't conducive for wear and tear, plus they had to uphold their professional image near their offices.

So instead they just stared at us with malicious sour grapes in their expressions. Plus I fell and hit my head on the merry-go-round so there's that.

Another time after that was at some housing estate near...a circle line MRT station. I can't remember where and why we were there, but my friends and I went crazy when we spotted it. We were already rushing for the last trains/buses, but upon the sight of the playground, we just abandoned all sense and became little kids again.

But that playground felt a little stiff because it was built on those rubber surfaces instead of sand, and the merry-go-round was this enormous contraption that looked like a spinning circus tent with ropes. It was super safe and therefore not very merry, thank you very much.

I prefer my merry-go-rounds deadly and lawsuit-worthy.

So the East Coast Park playground is perfect for me. It has the sea, it has little kids for me to fight over swings with, it has an old-fashioned merry-go-round.

It's kind of making me want to scout for old-school playgrounds all over Singapore.

Shizz

Stealth Birthday Mission for Faisal accomplished with fantastic results! *Confetti*

It was hilarious to see his shocked face when Eugene fell on him in the theater. Then again when Aziee arrived. And again when we revealed that the orange bag was his. And then the book. And then the cupcake at midnight.

BOOYAH WE ARE SO GOOD AT SURPRISES! *Pat on the back*

Okay I'm in a food coma right now so I can't be bothered about proper sentence structures and literary devices. All in all, I had so much fun and the old school playground was a big plus. I really love reliving childhood days with my new friends family.

Had the first weekend in ages to myself and man, I think I've grown too comfortable in my room because now I am actively missing it. Part of me wants to fall sick so that I can stay home and out of this suffocating haze.

Oh well, now's the time to plug in my little orange portable speaker and listen to all the music I've downloaded over the weekend. I must've uploaded about 100 new songs, but there's one that I keep repeating.

I've been sharing this video and song on multiple social platforms, including urging some friends via text message to check it out. I feel it's a crime for people not to hear this song and feel the same rushing waves of emotion fill up their hearts.

On the night, that we met
You told me you wanted something more from me
And it was all that I could do
I remember your face, like a child
The way that you blush; the way that you smile
But now it's all that I can do, and I wake up feeling new
There's so much more I never knew

So I think about the years spent alone
It's like you're searching for something, to make you feel whole
Like you're half of something else
Like you're half of something else
Just a fraction of yourself

Don't take it so hard, we did what we could
There were no easy answers to be understood
And it was all that we could do
We're the only ones who knew
And now all that I think about

The way that you scream
The way that you cry
The way that you wipe your eyes and fall against my side
The way that you told, told me I was wrong
And the way that you sing, when you hear a song
And the way that you answer, when you knew I was gone
Now I know that I'm blind, but you're all I see
And yeah I know it's not clever
But I just want you with me

I'm only half of something else

The melody just makes my heart sing along. And the words. I don't know if I feel like just a fraction of myself and that I need someone to make me whole, but I love how the lyrics make me feel small yet significant at the same time.

Like the world is enormous and limitless, but if I am half of something else, it means I exist. In a way I'll always be half of something else, regardless of whether I find it or not. I believe it's out there, and I may never find it, but it's comforting to know that I am not alone. I'm part of this world.

P.S. You don't have to understand what I'm saying, because I do. And that's enough for now.

It's already June

It's so cool that I'm finally turning 21 this year. There's no turning back after that. I won't be able to blame my parents for my dumb mistakes, or let them pick up the pieces for me.

It's the age where I finally get rid of the wretched feeling of not having an allowance. Sure, some of my friends still have pocket money even when they've been past 21 for a few years, but I haven't had an allowance since 2009 and I've always felt a little resentful about that.

The feeling that sometimes settles itself in my mind and sinks my heart: unfairness.

"Why do some people seem to have it all? And why do I have nothing?"

It's such a negative train of thought that chugs into a melancholy sort of mood, usually lasting me a few hours.

But I know ultimately I have myself to blame. There are a number of things that would've been different if I'd studied harder, or cared more about. My parents certainly have some blame for those tumultuous five, six, seven - who's really counting? - years, but that's on them. They are their own mistakes. They alone carry the burden of their folly. I shall only carry what's mine.

Thank god for my friends. If it weren't for all of their shoulders that I wept on, I would be some manic-depressive hermit now. And this is why when we argue, I make sure that we resolve the issue. Even if it took months that one time because I didn't make the first move.

Thank god for music, too. It helped me through my formative years and make my days a little brighter. This is why I will never forget the pop-punk/punk-rock/alternative-emo bands I listened to in my early teens. They were the soundtrack of my angst-filled youth (what a cliché) and to abandon them would be to abandon my past self.

Of course it's advisable to let go of the past and move forward, but I always feel better after listening to sad songs. Now I'm reminded of a conversation I had with a friend once, where she said sad songs make her, well, sad. I told her that I felt the opposite, because sad songs make me feel like I'm not alone, that there's someone out there who feels (or once felt) the same as I do.

I mean, things can't be that bad if someone else in the world shares the same feeling as you.

Anyway, I digress. This post was originally about turning 21. But I guess it wouldn't be very Cheryl-esque of me if I didn't get sidetracked.

So, 21 years of converting carbon dioxide into oxygen. (You go, girl.)
I'm pursuing my studies instead of bumming around, waiting for opportunities to smack me in the face.
I'm discovering a new level of friendship with my closest and dearest friends, what with all the arguments and how we resolve conflict.
I'm making new friends and getting along famously with them.
I'm learning to manage my wealth (or lack thereof) better. That just means my shortfall at the end of each month is gradually decreasing. Still, yay!

It's gonna be a good year. I don't know about 2014, but for now I'll just enjoy the ride.

Relient K - Over It

The standard for fractured hearts.

I'll admit to who I am
The day I come to understand
I haven't got a clue
Been searching for a few years now

If I don't repeat myself
Then I'll change into someone else
Well, I don't quite know who
Been searching for a few years now

I'm over it
Yeah behind me now
I'm just over it
Over it
Yeah I'm finding out
I'm just over it
No, I don't know what's over just yet
But I won't go slow
And time can let the mind forget
Don't tell me you don't know
Already

I'll protect your universe
Or make a mess to make it worse
Only time will tell
You and no one else so

You say you made up your mind
And you've finally decided
But those that helped you choose
Haven't the slightest clue as to the magnitude of what you're about to lose

I'm guarded and therefore I can endure
A little bit more, just a little bit more
Than some people would
If I'm not misunderstood
It's still an attempt to be egoless while self-assured
If I'm still unsure then I'm pretty sure
That I am pretty good
God, you know I'm good

And I'm over it
Don't tell me you don't know
Already
Don't tell me you let go
Already

I told that hipster joke in multiple WhatsApp group chats yesterday, and the responses were less than satisfactory. Then I met my dearest friend Sophia for dinner and she told me she did laugh.

For a moment I lit up and felt the overwhelming urge to hug her.

But she continued, "I was laughing at how you said 'Geddit??'"

My face had fallen. To the pits of the earth. Well, excuse me for being eager to share something so apparently hilarious that everybody forgot to laugh. [Insert grumpy emoticon here]

On a happier note though, she acknowledged the genius of the hipster-buying-soundtrack joke.
Thank you for agreeing.