Okay, here is the long-awaited obituary of my beloved fat PC, aptly named Fat Computer. It died a slow and pixelated death, I'm sad to say.
It lived a glorious three years (maybe four - I'm not too sure), half of which was spent pissing me off. Even though our relationship wasn't as good as it could've been in the end, I still appreciate the total indifference with which it took my endless insults. It was almost like it couldn't hear me.
So apparently in addition being fat, it was deaf, too. Immune to stimuli, e.g. pokes, slams, random combination of key-holding. Ctrl+Alt+Del never worked in the latter half of its life.
I admit, silent courage had coursed through your motherboard, but gosh, couldn't you just work properly so I could stop abusing you? On second thought, I take back the salute I was gonna compliment you with.
Your retaliations were, at best, immature and amateur. Sure, you pissed me off entirely just fine, but was that the best you could do? Huh? You should've at least threw up some sparks or fireworks so that I would be impressed and leave you alone. Instead, you just crashed and crashed without warning. Self-destruction just to get back at me? You lousy piece of plastic and metal chips.
I had no choice but to resort to verbal put-downs. You pushed me to it. Can't blame me if your cheap plastic covering wasn't thick enough to repel my justified insults. I'm sorry I stooped to your level, but you started it.
Okay, I gotta chill. You're dead already. Goodbye, Fatty, and normally I wouldn't say this because beauty isn't skin-deep (but in terms of technology, it totally is) - I hope you're skinny in your next life.
Rest in junkyard (garang guni) peace.
The end.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wank Around The Globe!
Today a customer asked the funniest question, and she didn't even mean it.
I was at the counter with my colleague Gar Meng, and she came up to me, holding a piece of paper.
She showed it to me, and in Mandarin, asked me if we had this DVD for kids.
The paper said two things [in messy handwriting, but the spelling was perfectly clear]:
_________________________
Barape [something something]
Wank around the globe
_________________________
At first I didn't realize anything weird, except when I typed in "barape" I wanted to laugh, 'cause the word "rape" put together with "kids' DVD" cracked me up. But I figured maybe it was another language; who was I to judge? So I stifled my childish thoughts and told her we didn't have that show.
So she pointed to the bottom line and asked me to check for that.
"Wank around the globe"
At this point, Gar Meng and I were exchanging incredulous glances and busy trying not to laugh out loud. Was this woman for real?? Did she sincerely have no clue that she was looking for a kids' show named "WANK Around The Globe"??
I forced myself to type the words "wank arou" into the system; who knows? Maybe some freak really did produce that show. But of course not.
As the woman was walking away, I started laughing silently. "Can she, like, leave now so I can laugh openly?!?"
I'm sorry, I'm being extremely rude, but I can't help it. It's for kids?!?!
What has the world evolved to now?
Speaking of wanks (or wankers, in this case - one particular wanker), there's this customer, M, who bought a few US imported blu-ray discs a few weeks back after hour-long debates about whether they were indeed US imports or not.
HE IS A HUGE WANKER. AND I AM NOT COMPLIMENTING HIM IN ANY MEANING.
He called my store at 9:23PM today, and being the nice, fantastic, wonderful person that I am, I answered the phone since it wasn't 9:30PM yet (that's when we close for the night).
I fully regret that now.
He kept me on the phone for a good ten minutes, all of which I could only make out that he was dissatisfied. Apparently one of the discs wasn't imported from the States, so he couldn't sleep well at night until he makes sure all of us know he didn't get the US import, give him the correct one, and spend the rest of our lives repenting our mistake.
Freaking weirdo. He's seriously wack in the head, I tell ya. Towards the end of the phone call, he blurted that he was about five minutes away from my store and tells me to wait for him. So, being the fantastically patient person that I am, I said, "Sure. See you," and hung up.
During that five minutes (which turned out to be fifteen, thankyouverymuch, M), I called my other branch that most possibly had the US import, and after checking that it was definitely from the States, told them to put it aside for M.
When he finally arrived at my store, Gar Meng was all ready to fake-smile him to death.
After a ton of explanation, he comprehended what I said and left for the other branch. I had to pick up all my dropped brain cells after that. Ugh. I feel dumber now.
Just bear with me for a few more paragraphs. It's not finished. M's not finished, the darned cow.
Around 11:30PM I got a call from my manager who was at the other branch. M made them all stay half an hour later after closing time. He is just that awesome.
I'd made a vow not to swear any more, and that if I did, I'd put $1 into my piggy bank. I'm now $5 poorer. (But hooray, I saved $5!)
I bet M worked on "Wank Around The Globe".
I was at the counter with my colleague Gar Meng, and she came up to me, holding a piece of paper.
She showed it to me, and in Mandarin, asked me if we had this DVD for kids.
The paper said two things [in messy handwriting, but the spelling was perfectly clear]:
_________________________
Barape [something something]
Wank around the globe
_________________________
At first I didn't realize anything weird, except when I typed in "barape" I wanted to laugh, 'cause the word "rape" put together with "kids' DVD" cracked me up. But I figured maybe it was another language; who was I to judge? So I stifled my childish thoughts and told her we didn't have that show.
So she pointed to the bottom line and asked me to check for that.
"Wank around the globe"
At this point, Gar Meng and I were exchanging incredulous glances and busy trying not to laugh out loud. Was this woman for real?? Did she sincerely have no clue that she was looking for a kids' show named "WANK Around The Globe"??
I forced myself to type the words "wank arou" into the system; who knows? Maybe some freak really did produce that show. But of course not.
As the woman was walking away, I started laughing silently. "Can she, like, leave now so I can laugh openly?!?"
I'm sorry, I'm being extremely rude, but I can't help it. It's for kids?!?!
What has the world evolved to now?
Speaking of wanks (or wankers, in this case - one particular wanker), there's this customer, M, who bought a few US imported blu-ray discs a few weeks back after hour-long debates about whether they were indeed US imports or not.
HE IS A HUGE WANKER. AND I AM NOT COMPLIMENTING HIM IN ANY MEANING.
He called my store at 9:23PM today, and being the nice, fantastic, wonderful person that I am, I answered the phone since it wasn't 9:30PM yet (that's when we close for the night).
I fully regret that now.
He kept me on the phone for a good ten minutes, all of which I could only make out that he was dissatisfied. Apparently one of the discs wasn't imported from the States, so he couldn't sleep well at night until he makes sure all of us know he didn't get the US import, give him the correct one, and spend the rest of our lives repenting our mistake.
Freaking weirdo. He's seriously wack in the head, I tell ya. Towards the end of the phone call, he blurted that he was about five minutes away from my store and tells me to wait for him. So, being the fantastically patient person that I am, I said, "Sure. See you," and hung up.
During that five minutes (which turned out to be fifteen, thankyouverymuch, M), I called my other branch that most possibly had the US import, and after checking that it was definitely from the States, told them to put it aside for M.
When he finally arrived at my store, Gar Meng was all ready to fake-smile him to death.
After a ton of explanation, he comprehended what I said and left for the other branch. I had to pick up all my dropped brain cells after that. Ugh. I feel dumber now.
Just bear with me for a few more paragraphs. It's not finished. M's not finished, the darned cow.
Around 11:30PM I got a call from my manager who was at the other branch. M made them all stay half an hour later after closing time. He is just that awesome.
I'd made a vow not to swear any more, and that if I did, I'd put $1 into my piggy bank. I'm now $5 poorer. (But hooray, I saved $5!)
I bet M worked on "Wank Around The Globe".
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Chick Flick - You Again
It's been a long time since I've watched a chick flick, so You Again was a refreshing change from The Men Who Stare At Goats, Inception, Buried, etc.
Jamie Lee Curtis was, as always, awesomely perfect. And though I have a sort of disdain for Kristen Bell, she wasn't too bad in this movie. I think my main problem with her is that she acts way too delicately for comedies. Unlike Renee Zellweger, Kristen Bell's stunts are too prettified. Renee's great.
Sometimes I just wish Mean Girls would have a sequel.
Jamie Lee Curtis was, as always, awesomely perfect. And though I have a sort of disdain for Kristen Bell, she wasn't too bad in this movie. I think my main problem with her is that she acts way too delicately for comedies. Unlike Renee Zellweger, Kristen Bell's stunts are too prettified. Renee's great.
Sometimes I just wish Mean Girls would have a sequel.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Cupcake Corner
Since this is my first blog post in ages, I figured we should commemorate this occasion with something that I'm currently obsessed with - Cupcake Corner!
Okay, that's all I have to say about it. Frankly, it's boring. But I still am addicted to it.
Nothing's changed much since the last time I've blogged. No life-changing decisions, miracles; heck, I didn't even find any money on the ground.
And now I shall cut this post short to defecate. Excuse me.
Okay, that's all I have to say about it. Frankly, it's boring. But I still am addicted to it.
Nothing's changed much since the last time I've blogged. No life-changing decisions, miracles; heck, I didn't even find any money on the ground.
And now I shall cut this post short to defecate. Excuse me.
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