Job or Career?

The decision has been made since eons ago. Maybe last year, perhaps. I never did plan to stay at this job for long, and two years have definitely been long enough.

I could say that the Most Annoying Person Ever (MAPE) was why I'm leaving, but it wouldn't be the absolute truth. He's a big factor in my leaving NOW, because if it hadn't been for him, I'd probably stay for a while longer. But the truth is that this isn't what I picture myself doing for years to come.

I know what I am not. I'm not cut out for administrative work. Even though I do love photocopying and emailing and printing stuff, I can't stare at a computer screen for hours and not get distracted by the Chrome icon. Which is why I'm writing this post now during work hours.

I don't know what I am just yet. Who else knows what they want to do with the rest of their life at age 22? (Maybe Taylor Swift.) I'm at a total loss. Sales seem to be a good calling now for me, but I have gotten so used to office hours and having my weekends free that I cringe when I think about shifts and off days and longer hours every day. Just trying to come up with an alternative to adminstrative jobs makes me groan with hopelessness. "I should just stay here until I've saved enough to quit for real."

Frankly, I don't deserve this job. They deserve someone better, someone more passionate about selling automobile parts and diligent in his/her inventory work. I just don't give enough of a damn. Also, I've been taking advantage of my relation to the boss (I'm his niece) by showing up ridiculously late every single day. He'd have fired me long ago if he had any less respect for my late mom.

So, to put it the considerate, Cheryl-is-an-angel way, I'm doing this company a favor by leaving. They can't get someone new who actually wants this job unless I'm gone, and they can't fire me. I'll be the bigger person here and let myself go.

To put it the other way, I'm leaving them in the lurch because I can't stand the thought of another endless month with MAPE. And the idea of my being bound to a dead-end desk job in which I have no interest whatsoever.

I'd rather be at a dead-end desk job under a company that does things I actually care about.

Okay, I'll do it by the end of July.

*Googles resignation letter templates*

Privacy

The bad thing about having a public profile on all my social networking platforms is that I have no outlet to express my melancholy without coming off as a self-absorbed person. Which I know I am.

I can't even tweet my feelings without chiding myself. Sometimes I'd just like to give myself a break, but that seems self-indulgent.

Why do I do things that I know will piss my friends off? I almost always do this. I piss them off both intentionally and unintentionally at the same time, if that makes any sense. Then I apologize profusely and get affronted if they don't forgive me right away. It's a horrible, eccentric cycle.

I don't want to do things for my birthday anymore. It makes me feel guilty and even more self-obsessed than I usually am.

I just want to lay my head down on my out-of-shape pillow and rest my mind for a while. What a sucky Saturday morning so far.

I'm being overly sensitive yet again but I can't help but see hidden meanings behind every word. You despise my guts, I detest your sense of entitlement. What can we do besides clench our teeth and smile for the sake of the others?

Florence + The Machine describes my mood now with perfect accuracy.